It began with awareness that I am holding on to tension, confusion, ideas that don’t work anymore. Just let go already.
It’s 9pm. Not that it matters, but as I glance at the clock I am aware of the seeming disparity between that clock’s reality and my own. It feels at least midnight.
Confusion is the beginning of learning.
My days are spotted with random moments of tearshed. For what? I’m not sure in this moment. I only know that I am opening and softening. It is good.
It began with awareness that I am holding on to tension, confusion, ideas that don’t work anymore. My penchant to hold them tight intertwines with control, a deadly noose swinging high in the wind, awaiting first those around me and then myself.
Can I envision BEing still, BEing happy, BEing soulful and mindful and at peace? Can I envision just BE-ing?
Can I just BE?
Am I willing to let go of control with complete abandon? THAT is the only real question in this moment.
No, that is the only real answer.
I wander away from the computer to feel the fullness of my inner questions without radiated screen glaring into my searching eyes.
I seek within myself. There, I find not only questions, but answers before the questions can ever be asked.
Letting go with abandon is realizing that, if I don’t let go of it all, if I hang on to some secret hope that I can get away with having things both ways, it’s not letting go at all.
I release control of everything and I am free.